Adjusting to a New Space

Change has always been a tricky thing for me to negotiate, but the last year has really pushed me out of my comfort zone. Leaving our home of six years was a sad experience for me, even if I knew that doing so would bring us more space. Living in the same flat for so long allowed us to really make our mark on the place – the walls had all been painted to suit our tastes, we’d had the kitchen redone, and even had the living room fitted with the carpet from my husband’s childhood bedroom. We put a lot of ourselves into it. It was also the home where I’d found a lot of healing, and where my true spiritual journey began.

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Salt lamps found 4 Salt Candle Tea Light Holders (Bundle)here; just starting on a new journal found Baroque Damask Journal (Diary, Notebook)here.

Thus, moving into a house where another family had clearly made their mark (quite often irreparably through the anaglypta) was a shock to the system. However, the month of December was mostly spent redecorating my office and our bedroom. Though it took a week and a half just to remove the overpowering wallpaper in the office, I was so pleased once it was gone. This was, in part, because it was making me ill – wallpaper glue is wheat based, and I am allergic to wheat. This meant a fortnight of breathing difficulty, vomiting and flailing emotions. My husband is so lucky.

Once that was finished, holes were filled in and cracks got smoothed over. Perhaps they were the reason that the previous owners put the wallpaper up in the first place. Now, the paint is a pale blush shade, and I’ve repainted the desk (a vintage pine dressing table that had seen better days) and the chaise legs (also scuffed and grubby) a glossy white, and dyed both the desk stool and chaise upholstery charcoal.IMG_0787.JPG

Thus, they now complement each other, and the Scandi cushion ties into my favourite appliqué curtains. I feel really pleased with the results, and more pleased knowing that I stuck with my old pieces of furniture to create the look I wanted. Though I was sorely tempted to go to IKEA for some new things, I must admit that what I have suits me fine. Both the chaise and desk were second hand pieces found on eBay some time ago, and I’m happy to be continuing their story.IMG_0794.JPG

All the pieces are now nestled in where they should be, and they are all little enough that a quick rearrange will make the room big enough to fit a bed should we have visitors. While the process was a tedious one, I now have a gorgeous study where I can read, write, do yoga and practice the vertical dance to my heart’s content. I even believe the cat approves. However, the most important result of the decoration process was realising that, after it was finished, I finally felt as if I belonged in the house. Perhaps after a few more improvements are made, it really will feel like home – which I feel is so important for accomplishing good work.

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Step Aside, Ego

This commitment to the path of Tarot requires that I discard the ego. This is often a solitary path, working with my intuition in quiet determination. It may be a struggle for me to remember that this journey is not about me, or my desires, or a projection of my own glamour to the outside world. This journey is about learning an old art and using the knowledge in the world around me for the highest good.

This may not be an inviting calling, but I know that it is mine. My ego still makes its presence known, however. It might manifest in an obsession for material things, or even in my desire for monetary success so that I can write a cheque to my husband for £50,000. There is even a bit of the ego in my hope to surprise him with money.

Thus, I need to recognise that there is no room for my ego on this path. Instead, I need to learn to follow my inner guidance so that my actions might best serve the world – to heal it, if only a little. For a Leo, this humble path may prove to be a great challenge , but perhaps that is the point – to make the commitment in spite of an inflated, boasting and fearful ego.

After all, this is not about me. This knowledge may choose to flow through me for the good of All, but any healing provided is not about me.

Therefore, I ask that my work here and out in the world be done for the highest good – the Earth’s and those around me – and may I know the call to service when it sounds.

The Art of Surrender

Yesterday, I put up a few things for auction on eBay to try to bolster my finances. I realised today, however, that I am still operating from a mindset of lack. So panicked am I about acquiring new things with the funds raised from the old that I check my sales an inordinate number of times every day. It’s crazy. Though I thought I was moving away from that mindset in the act of selling things I once loved, I’m still chasing the perfect       .

And so today I turn to Spirit to request a miracle. Please release me from me feelings of lack so that I might see my abundant disposition for what it truly is. All that I need, I have.

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Today, I started reading Wayne Dyer’s There%20Is a Spiritual Solution to Every ProblemThere is a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem, and it got me thinking about how desperately I try to control every situation I am in. I don’t even consider myself to be a control freak, but I do find myself often obsessed with outcomes, trying to mentally sway the universe’s workings in my favour. I should know by now that the universe does not work that way. Instead, it responds best to the balancing act of detachment from the outcome paired with the vibrational energy of love. Settling into this state is something that I find tricky. The release has found me a couple of times, but I’ve had some difficulty calling it to me. Or, rather, sinking into it.

In his book, Dyer refers to this as surrender – turning the problem over to Spirit for it to be solved on our behalf. Furthermore, this surrender is necessary for the best outcome to reach us. Tension around an event and that ‘refresh energy’ (that abysmal disposition in which one refreshes one’s inbox, feed or browser) sabotages our efforts, sending the wrong message to the universe.

And so I would like to reflect on the necessity of letting go. Predominately, I am speaking about this mental surrender, but it also helps to keep this in mind when dealing with one’s material goods. With the purchase of the house and a change in my financial circumstances, I found myself looking to the contents of my wardrobe to sustain me. I am very grateful that I have been able to sell some of my clothes and shoes, and as I delved into this clear out, I was able to look at the items with a clearer eye. I asked myself, Is this still serving me?’ or ‘Would I purchase this today?’ If the answer was no, I offered it up.

Slowly, that miracle – a change in perspective – has come to me, reminding me of how greedy I have been in the past. I have collected a large number of clothes in the past by sheer force of will. Sometimes, there was not even any joy in the purchases, just a defence against this pervasive feeling of lack, which always made its way back into my life no matter how decadent the purchase had been.

Therefore, I now wish to express my gratitude for everything I have, and thank the universe for anything I might get in return for the things which are no longer serving me. May I put it to good use.

Today’s Tarot Reading: Death, The Moon, The Chariot

And so I began today’s reading as per usual: Dear Tarot, please help me to clear my mind and guide my path. The cards today were particularly resonant.

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Deck used: The Original Rider Waite Tarot DeckThe Original Rider Waite; journal found Mother of Pearl Journal (Diary, Notebook)here.

I have drawn three cards – Death (this one leapt out of the deck as opposed to being drawn), The Moon and The Chariot. All cards of the Major Arcana, which hints at some pretty big stuff going down.

So, in Death, we see impartial endings and beginnings. As this is in the ‘past’ position, this could be a comment on my recent change in work circumstances. The concept of death itself is also linked to the next life. Perhaps it is a reminder to let go of things which no longer serve me in this life as they did in my previous life; a sort of ‘you can’t take it with you’ on the present plane. The fact that this card was a leaper indicates to me that its message was vital and needs to be regarded as important.

One thing that’s striking here is the echoing of the towers in the background of Death and the mid-ground of The Moon. The towers seem to flank the path we take in both instances, though one side is more aligned with wildness than the other (i.e., the right side is represented by the wolf, the left by the dog). The tongues of fire which rain down on the scene are represented by the Hebrew letter Yod, which can mean both 10 and iodine (iodine, incidentally, has an atomic number of 53; 5+3=8, and 8+10=18, the number of the card itself). This is a psychological card, reminding us that things are rarely clear when we are working in low lighting. Shadows and anxiety are great at this time. However, there is a path through the card – intuition and faith are required to follow it through the darkness.

This leads us to the last card, The Chariot. In this card, the driver has turned away from civilisation (presumably passing through the aforementioned towers to do so) to pursue his own path. Again, duality is present, echoed from The Moon. Yet, this driving force does not need to rely on the driver’s physical strength. Instead, he relies on inspiration and willpower – the wand from The Magician is present here, if a bit larger than before (oo-er). Therefore, that initial lightning strike starts our progress, but willpower keeps it going.

So, I am interpreting the reading thus: what came before was a sudden change in lifestyle, leaving me to reevaluate my possessions and way of life. This process has thrown me into a darkened state of anxiety and confusion. Intuition and faith must now be relied upon to keep to the necessary path. In things to come, the path leads us through the realm of material goods and out the other side, relying on willpower and inspiration to see us through to the end.

Overall, it is a positive reading. Here, I am reminded of Picasso’s advice: ‘Inspiration exists, but it has to find you working.’ This is simply a reminder to keep on my intellectual pursuits, past the materialistic delights of fashion so that I might come to rely on my intuition and inner strength, even with the wolves howl and creepy crawlies emerge from the depths of my subconscious. In this dimly lit time, it is necessary to remember that a golden time is up ahead, where I will be moving fearlessly along.

Thank you, Tarot.

Today’s Tarot Reading: Two of Swords, Two of Cups, Knight of Cups

I read my tarot readings as I would a story, from past to present. This follows the journey of the Fool, of course, but also the querent. Today, this is me, of course.

Dear Tarot, please show me what I need to know today. The cards I have drawn are all minors today – Two of Swords, Two of Cups and Knight of Cups. From the outset, we can see that we’re moving from areas of intellect to areas of intuition with the change of suit.

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Deck used: The Original Rider Waite Tarot DeckOriginal Rider Waite; Lovebirds Cake TopperCake topper from our wedding.

To me, this says that in the past, I was deliberately blindfolded and torn with regards to my true course, attempting to use intellect only to solve this. Obstacles (to true thought) are present in this card, but they can be navigated skilfully. Wayne Dyer writes that there is no sin, but rather obstacles to living truthfully. Previously, it appears that I was torn between two ways of thinking, not wishing to confront either double-edged sword. Wielding these forces of power left me confused and torn, and so I crossed my wrists as if dead in this capacity, hoping that the problem would go away. It did not. Instead, a waxing moon loomed, reminding me that something new was growing, if only I could make a move and see it.

In the Present slot, our dark-haired protagonist has moved inland. She wears a laurel wreath, reminiscent of the Greek status symbol. Status, here, can be equated with internal acceptance and love for one’s self, as that is one of the most difficult traits to attain. It is only in this state that self love and respect that one can truly hand over a cup of love to someone else. This card speaks of my own inner journey, bringing me from a material mindset to one of free giving. Additionally, the overall structure of the card echoes the Two of Swords, implying that a change in perspective is all that is needed to reach this place of fullness. The last thing that I will touch on here is the Caduceus of Hermes, which is a symbol of commerce and of The Messenger. It seems to state that I am, at present, cultivating my message as I share my joy privately. Its shape also reminds me of two entwined souls, wrapping around the supporting base of faith.

In the Future position, we have the Knight of Cups, taking his cup and carrying it to another land, this time a barren one with a skinny stream running through it. The court cards are often indicative of the self, and I feel that this resonates here. Additionally, he is also clearly a messenger – the wings of Hermes are again present on his heels and helmet. he moves calmly and deliberately, coming in peace to serve. His cloak is covered in fish, representing creativity. This card follows on from the Page of Cups (consecutively), where the journeyer sees the spontaneous appearance of this inspiration. Now, he is clothed in it. However, this embodiment of creativity reminds us that great ideas without action are meaningless. Thus, he moves forward into a dry place that needs his…erm, cup. (Perhaps it runneth over? Shut up, brain!)

Thus, the interpretation here, as it reads to me, is: a time of indecision brought forward a time of growing confidence and immaterial progress. This will lead me to a personal distribution of the knowledge I have gained, distilling it into a concoction which will be easily understood by those who need it.

A One-Card Reading: Five of Pentacles

It’s rare that I do a one-card reading, but today it was the only reading that felt appropriate. When I asked my question (‘What is hindering my work?’), I knew all the information I needed was contained in that single card. The Five of Coins, a dubious card to be sure.

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Deck used: Golden TarotGolden Tarot by Kat Black

However, its message is clear: my focus is misaligned, directed at what I lack. I stand in the holiness of life and still my gaze is on what others have, how it is being used inefficiently, resenting showiness from others even when I love a bit of glamour for myself. Thus, this issue is hypocrisy as much as jealousy.

This particular card also reminds me that I am in a place as sacred as any other at every moment (in the card, a church is depicted), and it is no place for ingratitude – in fact, is completely at odds with the message of love that I should be sending out to everyone.

Moreover, seeing lack everywhere, from a practical standpoint, can only lead to destitution. Gathering more and more to one’s self may result in lots of things, but little soul. Thus, these people who appear to have nothing have entered into a church, where we’re all seen to be the same, and judged on our actions rather than our net worth.

The next step after the Five of Coins is, of course, the Six of Coins – the card of measured charity. In this respect, I could read that to move from a state where I feel so much lack, I must give something to one in greater need.

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Clearing a New Home

Recently, my husband and I bought a new house. Though I seriously underestimated the stress that moving would cause, slowly but surely we are nearing a state where all of our possessions are not in boxes.

However, in my frantic daily routine of putting things away, selling the excess and generally organising our new home, I have hardly taken a moment to simply be still and thankful for what we have. After all, it’s so special that, after years of believing that we could not afford a house, one which we could materialised on the market. Here, there is space for our lovely tarantula, for our feisty cat to run around, and for my husband and me to stretch our legs and enjoy our dwelling.

Yet, I came to the realisation earlier today that I was so concerned with changing it – the wallpaper in one room, the layout in another – that I had forgotten to practice gratitude. So I lit a few candles at the altar (on the draining board, as requested by the Ancestors) and took a moment to feel gratitude for everything we have – for our lovely garden, our home itself, our good fortune, and the companionship and love which my husband and I share.

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It also felt like the right time to air the energy in the house, which I hadn’t yet had the opportunity to do. (Or, more likely, I had the opportunity and spent it whining about the wasps in the garden.) So I lit my smudge stick and swept its smoky, acrid incense over our walls, in the corners where energy lingers as well as over our bed. At each point, I made requests for our continued safety, health and progress.

Finally, my mind stilled. No longer am I obsessing over where my desk could go or whether I could tolerate wallpaper. Instead, I felt a profound – and newly bestowed – sense of peace.

Furthermore, as one who has perused A Course in Miracles, I can see how this ties in with the definition of ‘miracle’ as defined by the Course: essentially, a correction in perception. So, as I am beginning to understand, wisdom corrects our perception, allowing us to see the world more clearly. Suddenly I am no longer focusing on my greed. Instead, I am looking on my life with gratitude and joy.