It’s fairly easy for me to write this today, as the sun is shining, my bed is made and my dogs are both quiet and clean. It’s made for a good start. This shift in my attitude has also allowed me to look at my usual thought patterns from an outsider’s perspective and evaluate.
There are days when I convince myself that someone else’s faults or actions have ruined my trajectory. It becomes easy to blame another person for my mood – usually a family member or a colleague. Worse, I often view the ‘suffering’ I experience as some sort of martyrdom, allowing me to occupy the moral high ground in any situation.
Part of this is because I have always been terrible at communicating my needs. There have been times when my husband has made decisions he believes to be in our best interests, only for me to explode months later over how he wronged me. This is not healthy for either of us.
Therefore, I’m taking the opportunity to release attitudes as well as items. Though I grew up in an environment where I was encouraged to be silent, I no longer live that way. I am married to a kind man who wants to progress our life together, and I expect he wouldn’t mind if I asked for what I need. Also, it’s time to take responsibility for the way I feel day to day. If there is something I don’t like, I need to fix it rather than let it fester.